Failure

*sigh* Perfect Holiness, Brilliant Light, Demanding Divine: I hate failing. I hate doing less than what you have called me to do. I hate doing less than what I am capable of doing. I concede: this is my issue, not yours … but grace is your issue, and I need the grace of forgiveness. Dammit. My soul is beating against itself, throwing up its hands in self-disgust. When will I learn? How much of a mess have I made? Will this failure fade or linger? Will it finally spur me to change, or will I repeat this disappointment (if in a different context)? I cannot stand your withering gaze, O my God, nor can i withstand my own. I have been insufficient. I am insufficient. Turn me from the shame of my own faults to the praise of your gifts. By your Spirit, sweep away the dust of my ego where it hides in the cracks of disappointment. Let me try again, in your extraordinary mercy.

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