The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
he reminds me that the piles of smelly crap
are a natural part of the rolling fields.
He teaches me to satisfy my thirst in
flowing streams, not stagnant puddles.
The LORD is my BlackBerry, I have everything I need.
It guides me through my days and provides focus;
it connects me to others even when I am alone.
The LORD is my soccer mom, I am content.
Even when I am exhausted and injured,
even though my opponent boasts and jeers,
my soccer mom treats me to ice cream.
She reminds me that I am good
and that I am loved.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life; and
I will dwell in the house
of the LORD forever.