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Begrudged Blessings
The Lord restored the fortunes of Job, [giving] Job twice as much as he had before. The Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning; and he had 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 yoke of oxen, and 1,000 donkeys. He also had 7 sons and 3 daughters. – Job 42:10, 12-13 (NRSV)
I resent Job for being richer post-trauma than he was pre-trauma.
There, I said it.
I said it for all of us whose lives have been gutted by trauma and grief, all of us who barely escaped abuse with the clothes on our backs, all of us who argued with God when life doled out dumpster fires, all of us whose theological wrestling never yielded a payout of 14,000 sheep.
Bah, humbug.
Of course, I don’t have the land or resources to manage 14,000 sheep. Job’s good fortune would only give me a massive headache and overwhelming anxiety.
But why allow such details to interfere with a good pout?
Jealousy over God’s goodness is as old as Cain and Abel, a long-lingering thorn in the side of faith. We begrudge one other’s blessings at our own peril, risking bitterness and greed. Fixated on the magnitude of another’s wellbeing or the publicity of another’s triumph or the applause for another’s determination, we diminish and demean our own joys, journeys, miracles.
Have you been broken apart by pain yet still had the bandwidth for love? One thousand braying donkeys could not compete with such holy grace!
Have you been forgiven for wounding while wounded, and held gently in community while you healed? One thousand yoked oxen could not plow holier furrows or sow more abundant renewal!
Job’s blessings are not yours to count, compare, or begrudge, just as God’s blessings upon your life are not mine to crave, crow over, or cower before.
Prayer: God of grace and mercy, your goodness is beyond measure! Let me not devalue it by measuring it on any earthly scale.
cross-posted with the Daily Devotional
Today
Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says, “Today, if you hear God’s voice, do not harden your hearts.” Take care, siblings, that none of you has an unbelieving heart that turns from the living God. Exhort one another every day, so long as it is called “today.” – Hebrews 3:7-8a & 12-13 (adapted)
God help me, I entered this day with a hardened heart. Tired, and certain that only further exhaustion awaited me. Frustrated, and hardened against any hope that something new might emerge in the day. Breathing, but not believing in the fullness of life.
God help me, as I entered this day, the story of “today” was already written in my mind and the story of me in the day was already rehearsed:
Today the sun will set without a change in war, without a reprieve of despair. Today any fruits I bear will be in vain—or they will be late, as they too often are, and less effective than needed. Today will look very much like yesterday and tomorrow.
Thank the living God, my entrenched story of today need not remain so. “Today, if you hear God’s voice…” And I notice it’s not “today if God speaks…” but rather, “today if you consider God’s voice…” Today, God’s voice is, and therefore today, another story is possible.
Thank the living God, my hardened heart can still be softened today. Softened by the breath of the living God on a breeze. Eased by the smile of the living God on a stranger. Converted by the delight of God as a squirrel scampers up a tree, broken by the need of God in a flood-swept town, renewed by the fire of God in artistic imagination.
So long as today is today, this hardened heart has a chance.
Thank the living God.
Prayer: It’s today, God—not yesterday or tomorrow, not a hamster wheel of fatiguing productivity, not a doomsday clock of worry. It’s today, fully and only today, and I am grateful.
cross-posted with the Daily Devotional
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