4am
is the hour
of my disquiet.
Wide awake in that
suspended time,
dawn is a
dream –
too far away,
too long in coming
for me to escape the heavy
blanket of shadows.
I should wait
patiently
… patiently …
but I am tempted
to escape into
sleep.
Let dawn come
without my attentiveness.
Let me wake only after the shadows
have fled and the sun has
warmed the earth.
Let God arrive
while
I close my eyes
against this dis-ease,
against the eternity of 4am.
Let me rise once advent is ended
and fears are vanquished …
or else strengthen
my heart,
Jesus,
for I lack
the courage to wait
and to watch for the dawn
when it’s 4am and time stands still.
