“Take me outside of myself,” I dare to pray . . . and immediately think that I don’t know what I’m asking. What if God takes me seriously? So I backpedal and nuance: “Open my eyes to a broader perspective, and keep me on my toes” . . . by which I mean, “Let me not be so complacent that I fail to consider others’ experiences or limit the ways I see you,” but I don’t mean, “Pull the rug out from under me.” I very intentionally don’t mean that! I would like to be stretched in such a way that I’m still allowed to keep one foot on the ground. (sigh) Be gentle with me, O Merciful Christ, for I am stuck in my own ego and fear. You who commanded a taxman from his paperwork and fishermen from their boats, I know what you are capable of . . . and I know that you have a resurrection-minded outlook on my capabilities . . . but somewhere amidst the stories of what you have done in people’s lives and the stories you might imagine for my life, my eyes grow wide and my heart races with panic. Please wait with me while I pray: It is not about me, thy will be done. It is not about me, thy will be done.

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