Kneeling

“I am not God.”
It seems to hint of hubris
but in fact
this is my hardest, humblest confession:
I am not God.
Ask me outright if I really want to be
and I will deride the idea:
“Who in their right mind
would want to be God?!
Even God doesn’t want the job.”
But if my tongue is silent then
my life will betray itself loudly:
the desire to fix the world by my own
wisdom (questionable) and willpower;
the certainty that I should fix myself
to save God the trouble — if I could just
live on four hours of sleep;
the belief that I order my own time,
my own path,
my own growth.
My life speaks too candidly
for comfort
when my tongue
takes a break from
spinning its mask of a tale
about ability and control
and prowess —
all of my fondest idols
— but here with knees bent,
tongue and idols fail me.
There is only this to begin
and this to end:
“I am not God.”

3 thoughts on “Kneeling

  1. And just last evening the Holy Spirit told me I could stop trying to fix me–that in their time…the Trinity would do their work…I finally feel at rest after weeks of clamoring for rest…
    Thank you for this powerful prayer Rachel.
    Blessings, Juanita

  2. Pingback: The Confession of Self-Care | Rachel G. Hackenberg

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